Notes on Tony Pulis

I loathed him on sight, I came to loathe him because of his footballing philosophy, I was given cause to loathe him further for his petty politicking with my football club, I was given extra cause to loathe him further by the way he routinely insulted my intelligence and that of all the other fans with his post-match piffle which would have been absurdist but for the delivery; and then was the way he treated one of the great loves of my life, Tuncay Şanlı. Not even an attempt to understand him.

The outside world won’t believe it now, but the fans were all tuned up for a mutiny had we not beat West Ham four weeks ago to get into Sunday’s FA Cup semi-final; I had emails with a prominent sports writer on the Sentinel who was certain doom lay ahead. There have been some great results since and the performance against Chelsea a fortnight back was the best I’ve ever seen us play in the Premiership. We’ve still not won an away match this year though, and are not mathematically certain to avoid relegation, but we will because Tony Pulis has a supernatural talent for getting a result when he most needs one. It may sound like sour grapes to say it, but it is an indubitable fact that he is a lucky manager; better lucky than good, some say. As Stoke City have never made an FA Cup Final in more that 140 years of existence, he is now 90 minutes away from becoming a serious contender for our most successful gaffer ever (Would losing an FA Cup Final be a greater achievement than winning the League Cup: debate) and he only has one genuine historical rival, Tony Waddington. I loved Waddo not least because he once chatted my Mum up by taking her outside a country club to ‘show her his car.’ The car was an Austin Maxi. Tony Pulis would never in a million hoofed balls have the elan, nor the imagination, to pull off a stunt like that. I never want to see his car and neither does Mum.

However I am willing Pulis to his personal moment of Greatness and my fey authorly thoughts amount to less than a slew of footballs thrown long in the great scheme of things. Because on Sunday only two things will be of any matter, and neither of those will be the London Marathon.

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18 Responses to Notes on Tony Pulis

  1. Nick King says:

    So you’re upset that Super Tone hasn’t tried to backscrut mother Winger in his Austin Ambassador (Y Reg) ?

    BTW did you receive your bespoke T-Shirt that I almost got my mits on before they posted it on Tuesday afternoon?

    Give them a mahoosive shout for me on Sunday, Gooooowaaaaaaaarnnnnnnnnnnnnn STOKE

  2. Ralph. says:

    Have a great day out at the first part of your two visits to Wembley this season Stokies.

    PS. Does my kudos advantage card gain numerous points if I tell you my first car was an Austin Maxi?

  3. Good luck then. The Pulisball FA Cup Final beckons. I like the semi-recantation too. Pulis for England?

  4. Stephen Foster says:

    It certainly does 🙂

  5. Stephen Foster says:

    A Semi-Recantation for a Semi Final.

    I bet a poet could make something out of that.

  6. Stephen Foster says:

    A classic piece of ratiocinative reasoning there Nick; you could actually use this for the dictionary definition.

    I did get my mitts on it. What were you doing down there?

  7. Is there any significance to the fact that both men alluded to in this piece share the same fore name?

    As I was banished from this blog for being lowbrow the other day may I humbly beg reinstatement on the back of owning a mustard coloured Austin Maxi way back when?

  8. Daftburger says:

    Was it an Austin Maxi 1750, they were ace. Someoen run in the back of my dads when he was on holiday when I was driving it yikes!!! Luckily I managed to get £50 cash off them as they were uninsured and the car wanna worth much more.

    Weren’t they all mustard coloured with brown vinyl rooves?

    Wasn’t Tony W married? :-O

  9. Stephen Foster says:

    Did they come in any colour other than mustard? and yes : )

  10. OS says:

    I find it totally alien to everything I am that I still despise the man who has brought us such rewards. I can work it out.

    It’s because I can never forgive him for what he did against the Icelanders. No, they were never perfect, but their intervention probably saved us from being a Port Vale now. And I mean no disrespect to Vale when I say that, nor would I if I’d used Accrington Stanley as an analogy.

    A man who can turn against his employers, as Pulis did against the Icelanders when he had an honourable way out by resigning if he felt he was being undermined, is not worthy in my book of life. The man has no honour.

    Gooooaaaarrrrnnnn Stoke!

  11. calvininjax says:

    I see you stand like salukis in the slips,
    Straining upon the start. The games afoot:
    Follow your spirit; and upon this charge
    Cry — God for Tony! Stoke City! and Saint Peter!

    Apologies to WS.

  12. Stephen Foster says:

    Very nice; thumbs up across the water Calvin.

  13. JohnnyNeptune says:

    Do IT for Pottermus

    DO EET

    good luck stokies

    we had an austin maxi too, for what it’s worth. i think it was more port coloured.

  14. mikethegerm says:

    Aren’t you a gent OS; I’m finally moved to wish you all a good day out. I can’t wish for a Stoke win, of course, I’ve only just had breakfast.

    My Dad had a green Capri. Quite the man about Kidsgrove.

  15. markelt says:

    Did he use it to take your mum up Butt Lane*?

    * Potteries humour

    Hold on. Is that too much?

  16. Stephen Foster says:

    * whistles the theme tune to Minder *

  17. Stephen Foster says:

    You know, with the Stokies the line is always quite far away.

  18. mikethegerm says:

    I will not have Butt Lane besmirched in this way!

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