When I was twenty-odd

I had the passing thought tonight that I could recreate a week of my life as a twenty year-old. I wondered if I’d still be alive after seven days of it. Monday to Friday I’d complete a day’s manual work fueled by a litre of coffee, about fifteen Camel Filters and some sort of health food lunch like a double cheese and ham baguette and a packet of cheese & onion and kit-kat. I would sometimes slip off for a small half-joint as a post lunch aperitif. I’d have another one skinner on the drive home and then perhaps a jog on Hampstead Heath followed by (with it being a de-tox Monday) four cans of Red Stripe, another one skinner, and ten more Camels while watching Cat People with the sound turned down, Grace Jones on the deck, and reading ‘David Lacey Soccer Comment’ in the Guardian while spread eagled on my futon wondering when I’d next get laid, if ever, and then I’d meet my mate TPL at the Hawley Arms in time for last orders…

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12 Responses to When I was twenty-odd

  1. makemeadiva says:

    I am afraid that even mainlining the big H would be no excuse for listening to that woman.

    I hope you have an auditory alternative for the actual reconstruction…

  2. Stephen Foster says:

    Now now, I hope u r not feeling rivaled by the Divadom: as ane fule kno, tunes with Sly and Robbie on rhythm section cannot be all bad.

  3. makemeadiva says:

    It is purely an historic conceptual prejudice that deafens me to any musical merit. Apparently her range is over two octaves. *Puts hands up*

    I still detest her. Sorry. It’s like Pulis-hating. He can manage a football team, and yet…

  4. Stephen Foster says:

    I am going soft on Pulis lately. The bloke’s a genius.

  5. markelt says:

    He’s finding this Premier League lark so easy now he’s elected to give everybody else a head start in every game by fielding a clearly useless eleven first half, going behind, then pulling it back from the brink. He’s bored otherwise he’d just do what everybody else does and start with his best players.

  6. Stephen Foster says:

    Back the half-time loss/full time win : got to be totally profitable (it’ll stop now).

  7. mum says:

    On the post – just glad you are now 48 !!!!
    On the match – Thanks to Sky Sports 1 HD being free on Sunday I saw the whole match 🙂 I even saw the faces of the new players ! After the stick from John,s Port Vale supporting family from” Satdee” ( we are top of the league ! ) was glad of the three points , very glad 🙂 . Typical Stoke lol give away a penalty, win with an OG and nails all gone in the time added on !!! Love it x

  8. markelt says:

    Shurely that whole conversation could of* been nipped in the bud by asking them ‘yes, but which league?’ 🙂

  9. Stephen Foster says:

    Would you like markelt’s mobile no. for quick fire repartee helpline advice mother? He is even more sarcasticer than me to be fair.

  10. markelt says:

    Yeah, right.

  11. Daftburger says:


  12. Stephen Foster says:

    get a life

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