Bloody antiquity

Even though I jog virtually every day in the dunes with Dylan – which I think is principally good for my soul and my spirit but probably ultimately bad for my knees which are seeming to be a trifle knackered – I have the suggestion of little pot belly that is continually trying to break through, the little fatty. I wonder if it is fueled most by the apples, the bananas, the low fat spread, or the raisin and bran flakes avec le yoghurt naturelle and the semi-skimmed. It surely can’t be the Snickers choc ices, and definitely not the Green and Black’s chocolate bars because they are organic. While I’m at it, I can’t really see this screen because I can’t find my specs, my other specs, or my shades specs for sunshine reading. Could somebody please bring me my hearing horn too because my teeth seem to be making a funny noise and I want to listen to it properly in case I need a doctor.

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13 Responses to Bloody antiquity

  1. Chiffs says:

    Your specs are on the bedside table behind your dentures*.

    *Sponsored by Big Brother.

  2. Stephen Foster says:

    Day 17484* in the S Foster life.

    * I did the sum, I needed a calculator but I reckon it’s right; I took out 9 days for leap years. I wouldn’t like to translate that into pounds per day that I owe to my mortgage provider.

  3. makemeadiva says:

    There’s a website for that kind of thing.

    Hang on.

  4. makemeadiva says:

    I’ll be 15,000 days old on Monday, 22 November 2010.

    http://www.timeanddate.com/

    re the knees: one hope’s one is wearing proper running shoes that have been selected at a runners’ shop where they film your gait!

    I badly overpronate, or is it under, I can’t recall 😉

  5. makemeadiva says:

    Sorry – triple post – rogue apostrophe

    *shoot me now*

  6. markelt says:

    Don’t waste yourself. Leave yourself to me at http://www.soylentgreen.com

  7. Stephen Foster says:

    Oh yes, having the man check my pronations is a highlight.

  8. George S says:

    You can always borrow my dentures…

    The little fat is produced by sitting down at a desk and writing this blog, among other things. But frankly, I’d cultivate it.

  9. Lee Wright says:

    I find the best way of keeping my weight down is by lobbing a house brick at the Hinckley Utd chairman’s window and running for it*! Though if you wanted to try this at Peter Coates’ house you’d need a bloody good throw of Delap proportions!

    *Have yet to put this theory into effect.

  10. OS says:

    I’m 25,317 days old and don’t need to run around trying to keep myself looking like a James Dean hasbeen. I wear gracefully and carry a little extra weight so that I’m not rejected from Eli’s solution. Aktewally, I quite fancy being Edward G. Robinson. : ) His death was romantic.

    GGOS.

  11. OS says:

    Lateral thought. By my calculations ( and it’s a conservative one) because we’ve been sidetracked into how many days we’ve lived, I reckon I’ve smoked at least 400,000 cigarettes in my lifetime. So, those of you who fancy smoked biscuits with your eggs, sossage and beans, make sure you’re early in the queue when I pop my clogs. 🙂

    😉

  12. OS says:

    >So, those of you who fancy smoked biscuits…

    …should have read: So, those of you who fancy smoked Soylent Green biscuits…

    🙂

  13. Stephen Foster says:

    That’s a quite magnificent effort; you can come out from behind that bicycle shed now and collect your award.

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