Go Vera! Go Diego!

The conventions of sportswriting mean that there’s really only one accepted method of approaching sport and its stars (if you’re talking about serious writing, as opposed to tabloid Turnipising) and that is to get down on your knees in a reprehensible posture of supplication and to dish up large helpings of reverence. Certain individuals help gravitate against this dominant discourse by providing a plentiful supply of contradictory and un-reverential material in the shape of themselves. Maradona, for instance.

Serena Williams is not one of these. She is phenomenal** at playing tennis, and has achieved the lot* in her sport, but she has nurtured and manufactured a persona that is hard to believe in. The ‘I thank my God,’ post-match gabble is dull enough, but when the manifestation of the other much more credible Serena Williams finally broke out, the one who tells the line judge that she wants to ‘take this fucking ball and ram it down your fucking throat’ it was reigned in just as soon as it began. That’s a shame. With a bit more sinning we could end up with a proper redemption. Still, Bless that Lord she isn’t playing Venus in the final.

Her opponent this afternoon, Vera Zvonarava is one of those individuals who is known for a syndrome that is widespread on the non-Williams-sisters side of the womens’ game, the on-court mental meltdown. For that admirable characteristic of credible humanity I will be cheering her on. Equally, the extraordinary narrative of The Life and Times of Diego Maradona will see me backing the Argie Bargies, though I won’t mind if Germany win because I don’t believe that anyone with hair like Joachim Low can be an uninteresting man.

* Including inventing something called the Serena Slam where she beat her sister in four consecutive grand slam titles. O really? Zzzzzzzz.

** © Tracy Austin

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6 Responses to Go Vera! Go Diego!

  1. Lee Wright says:

    I’m not trying to be the stereotypical Brit here (I personally don’t care for the England team as I can NOT bring myself to cheer for the Rooneys, Terrys or Ashley Coles) but if you get a picture of Joachim Low and doodle a little black tash on his upper lip, he does hold a strong resemblance to the Führer!

  2. calvininjax says:

    And Germany’s change strip looks like something out of the SS Sportswear Catalogue circa 1941. 😉

    Which of the tabloids will be the first to use “Blitzkrieg” to describe today’s annihilation of Argentina?

    Deutschland Über Alles!

    This afternoon I will be cheering for Paraguay. Any country that chooses red and white stripes for its national strip has my support.

  3. makemeadiva says:

    Nothing, nothing, nothing is going right this weekend (sportswise at any rate).

    Thank God I couldn’t give a flying fig for the tennis. Psychological warfare with racquets. I would enjoy it more if they dispensed with the ball and hit each other over the head with said item.

  4. Stephen Foster says:

    That would improve the womens game a lot, though Serena would still win.

  5. Daftburger says:

    Two more top tips! ::-)

    In tennis why does the pretty one alwats loose*?

  6. Stephen Foster says:

    Steffi used to win…

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