Vine Watch

Jimmy Young may have been semi-derelict, but Jeremy Vine is the most annoying tool on the radio even taking into account the existences of Steve Wright and Colin Murray. Unfortunately, I find his insane intonations and his various ‘caring voices’ for various ‘tragic issues’ somewhat compelling, so I listen to him more than I might (this is something to do with my timetable*).

Now, he has entered a new phase of irritatingness. The Election has been called and of course this small matter is All About Jeremy. Today he began his show with the words, ‘Can it only have been going on for three days? It seems to have been going on for ever.’ Well Jeremy, it’s all you’ve talked about ever since Gordon could see no other way out. And you’ve been on the telly with your collection of gizmos too, have you not?

Todays buzzword was ‘deal-breaker’. “Is National Insurance the deal breaker for you?!!”

What the hell does that mean?

*
1. Get up at the crack of dawn.
2. Fart about for three hours.
3. Write if at all possible
4. Drive to beach with Dylan and jog.
5. Get driven crazy on the way back by Jeremy Vine.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in From Working-Class Hero to Absolute Disgrace (A Memoir and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Vine Watch

  1. chiffs says:

    “Dealbreaker”: when you secretly let an SPD out in bed on your first sleep-over. Or is that Windcheater?

  2. Stephen Foster says:

    Dear readers, I think she means an SBD.

    Not the Social Party of Democrats.

  3. chiffs says:

    Although they would want to be that too.

  4. markelt says:

    You’re on the wrong station if you like being annoyed, although Sarah Kennedy could persuade Ghandi that violence is eomtimes the only answer.

    Try listening to ‘Porky’ Parry or Adrian Durham on TalkSport*

  5. makemeadiva says:

    Leave Jezza out of this, although I do wonder how he brings such interest to bear on every single “ishoo”.

    The unbearable one is Richard Madeley, covering for the Ithoughthe’dbeworsethanthat Simon Mayo, with his random acts of kindess by strangers: bleucch, barf, heave.

    Try Radio 6 before they abolish it.

  6. Stephen Foster says:

    I used to like Sarah Kennedy in her ‘the duberies have gone all obscure,’ phase when she appeared to be drinking gin at 5 in the morning.

    But ‘you’re on the wrong station if you’re being annoyed ‘ just can’t be circumvented. Even when you listen to vitally important events on 5 Live, one half of each 45 minutes will be commentated on by that preternaturally repulsive windbag, Alan Green.

  7. Stephen Foster says:

    I heard this strangely sychophantic bloke interviewing Bananarama a couple of nights ago. Now you have told me who it was: Richard Madeley.

    Bananarama sounded like two Jo Brands.

  8. Daftburger says:

    Can you do Colin Murray next? Not only is he annoying on radio he also annoys on television and sees himself as some sort of football ‘expert’, as if we don’t have enough of the amatwats.

    Then can you do Richard Keys, Jamie (I didn’t really get this job because of my dad) Redknapp, Soccer am (RIP), the slightly camp scouser on ITV football, the new bloke on football focus, the big tall bloke who does Formula 1, Eddie Butler, Charles Colville(sp), the big black (am I allowed to say that?) bloke on BBC boxing, him off the one show and Match of the Day 2………….

    In fact lets just get rid of the ‘impartial’ (Hahahahaha)BBC. I’m sick of paying to see other people enjoy themselves all over the world at ‘my’ expense. Just wait until the World Cup there’ll be hundreds of them over there when they could watch it from a studio in London!

    And relax………..Nurse! NURSE!

  9. Daftburger says:

    Bananarama are still dead fit! 😛

  10. Stephen Foster says:

    Never mind all this, I’m off to surf Bananarama with a view to doing a weekly, ‘Still Dead Fit Slot’ : 0

    I wonder if Joanne Whalley’s let herself go at all. If not, she may be the first among sequels.

  11. chiffs says:

    Zoe Ball.
    Mouth on a stick.

  12. Daftburger says:

    There’s only two left in the bunch!

  13. Stephen Foster says:

    Hmmm, when chics* look better than they did at eighteen I’m thinking: Photoshop is doing wonders for them.

  14. Daftburger says:

    It’s a funny old world! Malcolm McLaren RIP!

    “Bananarama’s members were living above the rehearsal room which was used by former Sex Pistols members Steve Jones and Paul Cook. With their help, Bananarama recorded their first demo”

  15. Colin says:

    Apparently, Malcolm Mclaren offered Bananarama a song entitled ‘Don’t touch me down there, Daddy.’
    They turned it down.

  16. Julie Hill says:

    Do you think you have to be annoying if you’re called Jeremy or is it something you grow into? (Apologies to any nice Jeremies reading) I’m thinking of the King of Irritatingness Jeremy Kyle, but there’s also Paxman to back up the theory.
    Like the timetable by the way, except I like to do my farting later in the day. 🙂

  17. Jeremy says:

    I’ve only just found this website. Thanks for listening to my show; hope we’re doing the right amount of politics for you. Best wishes, Jeremy

  18. Stephen Foster says:

    Hi Jeremy, welcome to the blog.

    Keep up the good work ; )

  19. Stephen Foster says:

    Meant to come back on this, probably too late but:

    So long as you can set aside the time to fart about at some point; it’s the key to healthy living.

  20. Daftburger says:

    Can you do Colin Murray now seen as he’s replaced the Bagoshite Chiles on MOTD2. 😦

    Guess it fills the BBC’s diversity remit.

    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

    P.S. does anybody read these when they drop down the pages?

    And someone reads this can they tell me who Trezza is?

  21. Stephen Foster says:

    Gotcha burger, I’ll have something to say about that shocking decision, cos he’s got nothing to do, has he, Colin…? GRRRR

    Trezza is Mrs Winger.

  22. Daftburger says:

    Damn and I was hoping that I could fill up my own bit of cyberspace with my crap as a sort of cyberspace cuckoo!

    I fort she was but I didn’t like toi show my ignorance by asking ‘up’ there! Will the book be in English? 😉

Comments are closed.