Supersize Multiple Choice New Labour with Extra Fries

Charles Clarke is our MP. Clarke is pompous and reasonably odious (I was once sat at a dinner table where he came to interrupt and put it about that he would be standing against Gordon Brown for the Labour Leadership but he never had the guts or the support so to do) but the thing I most dislike about him is his size. We are all trying to lose a bit of weight, so I try not to be fatist, but Clarke is so evidently a glutton; he would fit comfortably into any Hogarthian scene where Billy Bunter tucks into a suckling pig or two. He also indulges in the fat man’s hopeless habit of ‘disguising’ his enormous collection of chins with a fuzzy bit of beard.

Here is a sample Question from the Questionnaire on the back of the ‘Charles Clarke for Norwich South’ leaflet that dropped through the letter box yesterday.

1. Do you back the Government’s Support for home owners which has led to half the level of repossessions compared to the 1990s?

Yes
No
Don’t Know

All 7 ‘Questions’ are framed like this; they are not questions, they are invitations to agree with an assertion, they are exactly the sort of thing that will keep me out of the ballot box on May 6th.

Here’s a Question for Mr Charles Clark, MP.

Q. Do you back the taxpayer’s continued input into the maintenance of your extraordinary girth, a figure revealed as a monthly food allowance of £400 during the recent expenses donuts.

Yes with an Extra Viennese Whorl on the side
No
Don’t Know

It’s been bought to my attention that they are whirls not whorls. If Mr Kipling can have the bare-faced cheek to claim there’s no unnatural colours or flavours in those, then the story I’m going with is that whorl is the local pronunciation…

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11 Responses to Supersize Multiple Choice New Labour with Extra Fries

  1. Daftburger says:

    Did you see Dispatches on Channel 4 last night? The pigs are already preparing another trough once the have been kicked out or have ‘stepped’ down.

    Revolution Now!

  2. Stephen Foster says:

    No, what happened?

  3. chiffs says:

    I’d take a Kipling Country Slice – or three – every time. (Not the smallest biscuit in the barrel, I could give Clarky a run for his (our) money in a cake-eating contest.)

  4. OS says:

    “Byers, who was caught on film during a sting operation, said that he was ‘a bit like seaside donkey waiting to be ridden’,”

    Ha ha. Hahahaha. Ha. 🙂

  5. AndyP says:

    Well Winger you have a good opportunity to help remove the odious lardbucket Clarke…

    http://www.adrianramsay.org.uk/sites/adrianramsay.html

  6. Stephen Foster says:

    Haha – I think I’ve already got enough speed bumps thanks.

    * Ducks *

  7. AndyP says:

    How does the saying go? Bad politicians get elected when good people don’t vote.

    I suppose there are three choices:

    1. Dunner bother with any of em and lose any justification for moaning about em.

    2. Vote for the usual suspects from parties that have turned parliament into a house of disrepute and the nation cynical.

    3. Try a new party that has increased its share of the vote and number of councillors in your city because when elected Greens work hard and people choose to retain them for a reason. I envy your chance to make a difference, there is no chance in Leeds Central.

    If you can just get past your hang-up of them being a collection of smug treehuggers ;-), closer examination of the policies will reveal a party that believes in fairness and social justice, and has occupied the ground once occupied by the Left wing of the Labour Party, but with an environmental core running through its philosophy too. Ultimately up to you, and rightfully so.

    There, that didn’t require ducking did it duck?!

    PS Speed bumps? I thought Norfolk was flat?! 😉

  8. Stephen Foster says:

    Plenty of flat tires. (Pls note trendy* American spelling of tyres).

    Persuasive stuff though Mr P, I applaud your persistence; are u campaigning locally, or are you saying there’s no Green Candidate in Leeds?

    * the EDP use this word when reviewing ‘gastropubs,’ as in ‘trendy eaterie.’ : )

  9. AndyP says:

    I’m currently being very un-Green by being in the US with Tina, although I return to Blighty on Tuesday. (All being well she will be with me in the UK by late July and we are to marry in September in Leeds).

    Once back things will be very busy. My constituency, Leeds Central, is unlikely to field an official Green Party candidate due to cost and resources. However my Stokie mate Dave “Goatmajor” Procter intends to stand as an Indie Green Left type so he will get my vote. Meanwhile Leeds West and Leeds North West will have Green parliamentary candidates and I am the election agent for Leeds West. As well as the very difficult task of getting David Blackburn elected in Leeds West we will be fighting get Cllr Andy Parnham re-elected in the local council elections, one of the three Green councillors in Leeds. So it will be all go, leafleting and all the other trappings of being an election agent.

    Norwich South is one of three key Green Westminster targets because there is a real possibility of actually winning. Caroline Lucas has a good chance at Brighton Pavilion if you believe the polls. Elsewhere it is unlikely that the Greens will make a real impact despite fielding a record 300 candidates. But I look at Norwich with interest because firstly victory is a possibility, and secondly you live there! 😉 In the same way I look out for some other football teams’ results because my mates are fans.

  10. Stephen Foster says:

    I’ll deal with you later, but meanwhile…

    \o/ CONGRATULATIONS \o/

    (nb Poor Tina, why can’t she get married up Bentilee?)

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