Charles Clarke is our MP. Clarke is pompous and reasonably odious (I was once sat at a dinner table where he came to interrupt and put it about that he would be standing against Gordon Brown for the Labour Leadership but he never had the guts or the support so to do) but the thing I most dislike about him is his size. We are all trying to lose a bit of weight, so I try not to be fatist, but Clarke is so evidently a glutton; he would fit comfortably into any Hogarthian scene where Billy Bunter tucks into a suckling pig or two. He also indulges in the fat man’s hopeless habit of ‘disguising’ his enormous collection of chins with a fuzzy bit of beard.
Here is a sample Question from the Questionnaire on the back of the ‘Charles Clarke for Norwich South’ leaflet that dropped through the letter box yesterday.
1. Do you back the Government’s Support for home owners which has led to half the level of repossessions compared to the 1990s?
All 7 ‘Questions’ are framed like this; they are not questions, they are invitations to agree with an assertion, they are exactly the sort of thing that will keep me out of the ballot box on May 6th.
Here’s a Question for Mr Charles Clark, MP.
Q. Do you back the taxpayer’s continued input into the maintenance of your extraordinary girth, a figure revealed as a monthly food allowance of £400 during the recent expenses donuts.
Yes with an Extra Viennese Whorl on the side
It’s been bought to my attention that they are whirls not whorls. If Mr Kipling can have the bare-faced cheek to claim there’s no unnatural colours or flavours in those, then the story I’m going with is that whorl is the local pronunciation…