The blog’s gone all topical

Following from our repeat sightings of fur coat mobility scooter smoking lady, today’s news is full of reports of the dangers of her conveyance. The favorite bit we heard on the radio news was of a ‘blind person driving one across the road in Southend. “I mean, the man was actually blind,”‘ the council spokesman said, as if there was some distinction between blind, and blind.

Elsewhere, we read that. ‘In January, police in Norfolk announced they were offering road safety training following a spate of accidents in the county.’

We do further note that most accidents seem to be taking place in seaside towns (Gt Yarmouth was mentioned more than once). We are wondering if the sight of the funfair is inspiring drivers to treat their vehicles in a frivolous manner.

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7 Responses to The blog’s gone all topical

  1. makemeadiva says:

    When we first moved to Southend and ventured out alone the question to the brave soul was “Did you see one?”. The answer was, invariably “Hell yes”.

    I am risking life and limb saying so, but I believe the foothills of Westcliff are a training ground for demented old folk whose weapon of choice is a mobility scooter. They are then despatched far and wide to wreak havoc on pedestrians (and sometimes drivers).

    I see one lady who goes out in one in all weathers, snow included, in her slippers. And I know two others who bring their dogs out for a walk in them. It is an epidemic round here.

  2. makemeadiva says:

    *bring. It’s what the Irish say and I seem to have picked it up.

  3. Stephen Foster says:

    In Stoke-on-Trent some people are brung up proper while others are not so well brung up.

    Southend sounds the sort of place Old Stokie could perfectly retire to were it not that his services would be so badly missed in the midlands.

  4. OS. says:

    Today. Lunchtime. I scrawled from under my car where I’d just changed the oil and filter. An old bloke was leaning on my fence. He looked like death warmed up. “You ok, Mate?” I asked.

    “Ar. Just bin get me paper. That bloody bonk gets steeper every tarm ar woke up eet. Ar conner get me breath lark ar used ter.”


    “Ar. Fifty bloody years on the bloody face.”

    “Why dustner buy a scooter, yewther?”

    “A bloody scooter! Ar wudna bay seyn jed on one o’ them. Ar’ve sayn ’em up the bloody park. Theen got ther bloody dogs with ’em sittin’ on the bloody things. The bloody dogs ar as fat as the sods wot ride ’em. Bloody scooters! Ar’ll bay six foot under befer ar get one o’ them bloody things.”

    “Ast got far goo, yewther?”

    “No. Ar’ve just moved in one o’ the bongolows.”

    “Them across theer?” I point to the bungalows across the main road. Old Elsie has died recently so I’m suspecting that he’s moved in there because I haven’t seen him before.

    He looks ‘across there’ and grins. “Oh ar. Arm on the wrong side o’ the bloody strate.”

    I grin. “Never mind, it’s ow flat to thee ‘ise nar. Shat be owrate?”

    “Ar. Ar’ll say thee yewth.” And off he totters across the street to old Elsie’s bunglow.

    I like the old guy. He’s an old pitman like me. I’ll look out for him in future if I see him coming up the street. I can always start the car and do a quick run around the block and pretend I’m passing and give him a lift up the bonk. 😉


  5. Stephen Foster says:

    This Becketian exchange will make it to main page termorrer and save me a job.

    Most humble thanks yewther. *

    * Dear off-world blog readers, this word means ‘Youth’ which translates as ‘Mate’ and is a common term of address in the north Staffordshire Potteries no matter how antique you become.

  6. calvininjax says:


    That was like reading one of Jabez’s pieces in The Sentnul.

    Much appreciated in these distant climes.

  7. makemeadiva says:

    Yer man is right about the bloody dogs.

    Class act both.

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