Christmas shopping pour les anciens

I tend to keep out of the shops (butchers and bakers aside) as their hyper-real, halucinatory air freaks me out, so the whole experience of ‘going into the city’ is quite novel. Tonight (late shopping in Norwich, fyi ; ) I finally found something to recommend about being a 47 year-old fart – young female shop assistants may take pity on you.

Me: Do you have any of item X? I can’t seem to see any.
Young Shop Assistant: Ah yes poor old blind man, there are some over here. What colour did you want.
Me (consults Santa’s list): I was told to ask for a nice shade of Y.
YSA: Ah, we only have them in these stripes or these spots.
Me: Oh dear, that’s not too really close to a shade of Y, is it?
YSA (laughing, humouring the poor old blind man): No, that’s true.
Me: Okay, thanks anyway.
YSA: I think they have them at Shop A over there and down that road by the church. Or if not there there, maybe at shop B. Do you know where it is? Can you find it?
Me: I think I might manage, with the aid of my stick and my dog and my frail old legs.
YSA: Good luck; Happy Christmas!
Me: Thank you.

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6 Responses to Christmas shopping pour les anciens

  1. chiffs says:

    Must be a man thing. I get:

    Me: Do you have any of item X? I can’t seem to see any.
    Young Shop Assistant: Feck off, you smelly old bag.

  2. OS says:

    Haha, winger. You got a lot worse than that 2 cum boy. Trust me. 😉

    ChiffS: I don’t believe you. You’r not smelly at all. 😉


  3. Daftburger says:


  4. OS says:

    It’s your mind. You know nuffink about RE – and I’m not talking religion. 😉


  5. chiffs says:

    Chanel, OS. Young girls these days, if it’s not by Kylie or Beyonce, they just don’t understand.
    And thank you!

  6. Patty says:

    chiffs is exactly right! I can feel my stomach churning while observing the sweet little ol’ smiles these little witches flash at my husband when (on extremely rare occasions) we go shopping together. I could stand there until hell froze over, thawed, and re-froze before they’d give me the time of day.

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