It’s a Hard Knock Life

for Jack and Archie (aka The Takeover Ents, management of Tinchy Stryder). Having ‘met up with Jay-Z at this restaurant near the Ivy,’ last week, they have now been ‘summoned to meet him in LA tomorrow.’ Tinchy’s new single will likely become his second No 1 on Sunday. Jack just phoned me with all this info; I could hear the grin. ‘Remember these days, boy,’ I said in a sonorous fatherly voice. I can’t see how it can get better than this; Jay-Z is their childhood hero: their childhood was not so long ago.

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18 Responses to It’s a Hard Knock Life

  1. OS. says:

    Well done Jackson Fosterboy (and Archie.) We’s all as proud as punch of you. Enjoy whatever stuff you can, boys, and tell Jay Z that an old fart of 68 thought his vid was ace. I’m fast becoming a rapper. Hey man, I’m a cool old fart. Swiss will be in heaven. LOL. Good luck with the new single, Tinchy. Your fanclub is growing over here in Stoke.

    This is my lucky day. I just won two free flights off Easyjet for best post of the month on their blogs. Your words above tops it though, winger. The flights were just a bonus to a cool, cool dude who’s happy as Larry cus the boys is off to LA. 😉

    I’ll bet Mum, when she gets to know wots ‘appening, will order some Smash with her liver an’ onions to celebrate. Go for it, Mum. XXX

    As for you Foster, boy, you get ChiffS to open a bottle of Sancerre tonight with your meat and tater and Aunt Bessie’s oven chips and have yourselves a great evening. I’ll be with you in spirit. 😉


  2. Stephen Foster says:

    ‘I just won two free flights off Easyjet for best post of the month on their blogs.’


    Where are we goin, Pops?

  3. OS. says:

    I’m delighted to inform you that you have won the easyJet community Post of the Month for July.

    Your post in the “Hand Baggage Allowance” discussion was considered to be relevant, insightful and constructive.

    You are therefore now the owner of two free return flights to any easyJet destination of your choice.

    LA? Tonight? 🙂

    M. le etc…

  4. Stephen Foster says:

    Yes, let’s be Jack’s entourage – being accompanied by a tramp and an imbecile would do no harm to his image in Tinseltown. We might even get a walk-on part in a drive-by :–)

  5. OS. says:

    BTW, I had another inspirational dream sunday night. This time it wus a film script.

    Pages: 46.
    Words: 13,227
    Characters (no spaces): 54,814.
    Characters (with spaces): 67,864.
    Pararraphs: 281.
    Lines: 1,444.

    I’m swinging, boy. I need the address of Steven Spielberg. He’s gonna love this. 🙂


  6. OS. says:

    The Tramp and an Imbecile. That has a certain poetic ring about it which, probably, will lodge in my subconshus. If u get a new ms in the post, you’ll know what to expect. I’m sure I can construct something around those five words. Yes, I can feel it coming on.

    Old Henry stumbled into a row of bins, which, strangely, he couldn’t recall being there when he left his cardboard home three hours ago. Maybe it was the meths that dulled his memory. Maybe it was old Mabel offering him service that did it. Whatever, Old Henry hit the deck with a sickening thud. No harm though. Too much alcohol to make limbs rigid enough to break.

    “Hey, boy. I help you out, boy?”

    Old Henry looked up, partly focussing his eyes on the form above him. He held out a hand. It was ignored.

    “Hey, boy. You need to pay me, boy. I need ass. I need ass big style.”

    Old Henry scrambled a drunken thought together…if this guy needs my ass, he must be an imbecile. But, if ass he wanted, ass he could have. It was pi**ing down and swops of a clinkered ass for a warm bed was no contest. “Give me a hand, you f*****g inbecile. I’m yours.”

    To be continued… 🙂


  7. johnnyneptune says:

    i never had you down as a proponent of online gay novellas o/s

    back on track, top work foster jr. ask him which of his 99 problems causes him the most grief

  8. OS. says:

    Hi, johnny. I used to be normal. That is until I had a crap with winger in a hovel somewhere in Yourope. Since that moment, I’ve let it all hang out [not a pretty sight] so gay, lesbian, straight…the dividing lines are a blur. Who cares. I’m cool, man. I’m surprised you noticed. Ahem. As Elt once taught me, it’s the ones who notice these things you have to watch out for. LOL. Luv u baby. 🙂


  9. Daftburger says:

    ‘As Elt once taught me, it’s the ones who notice these things you have to watch out for.’

    Spoken like a man whose last refuge is to desperately deflect others from his own leanings!

    Do you lot have special arm crutches to help with your limp wrists! 😀

    Dear Mr Author can you please inject some testosterone type post as this and the one following are a bit Kibblestone! 😛

  10. Stephen Foster says:

    What you thinking? My Oatcake Hell Confession + youtube link to Sweet Child of Mine?

  11. Daftburger says:


    What’s more hellish Guns and Roses or trying to explain irony on the oatcake?

    Well what about ‘It’s the start of a new footy season’ type post and a youtube link to a tetosteroned (is that a real word?) Delia (Where are you rant!) 😀

  12. Stephen Foster says:

    C’mon goalie, where are You!! Let’s be avin you!!

    They’ve got a new Greek/Aussie ‘keeper, signed by goalkeeping legend Bryan Gunn. He’s called Theokoupolis or somesuch: They are calling him Dropaloticus after just one game and they never want to see him again.

    The moral of tale is that ‘keeper’s are the drummers in bands, you cannot promote them into positions where thinking is required :–)

  13. Mark Elt says:

    Fo sheezy my neezy keep my arms so freezy

    This is the most amazzing thing I’ve heard in some time. Swiss told me yesterday when I phoned him up with a recipe for ham in coke.

  14. OS says:

    “Spoken like a man whose last refuge is to desperately deflect others from his own leanings!”

    It’s a fair cop, guv. Where’s the bed? 🙂

    Oi, Eli, why don’t you sod off! I’ll bet I’ll be having Ham and Coke for sunday dinner today. Swiss is is an experimentig food mood of late. I think I may cry off with swine flu.

  15. Stephen Foster says:

    Tell Swiss to give me a call. I’ve got an ace recipe for Trout in Tizer.

  16. OS says:

    Swiss has spoken to Jack In Beveley Hills.

    This is how the txt conversation went.

    Swiss: How yer doin’?

    Jack: It’s goin’ wll. Cn u bleve Nwich wer 5-0 dwn at hf time. Hahaha. R u goin 2 the Burnley gme? Old man nt goin so goin wth my Nan.

    Swiss. Yre in LA an all u cn tlk abt is nogger an your nan.

    Blah Blah etc.

    The boy has his priorities right. 😉

    BTW, we had fish pie. It was boo’iful. I never realised that introducing Swiss to you two middle class gayers, winger and Eli, that it would improve my diet.

    Swiss just spoke to me . He luv this music by Jay Z and thinks the one above is mageek. WE share music tastes too.

  17. OS says:

    NB: Swiss is here with me. I’ve just been indoctrined into eminem. This was my fav.

    He’s gone now. Thank God. I need my space, man.

  18. Stephen Foster says:

    That’s my boy!

    & Tinchy is ridin in at No 1 and ting! Flee!!

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