Rich Tea

I’m finding that previous census a bit mundane. How about the worst? These should both be banned, particularly the oblong monstrosity, a biscuit that only an aunt would serve. On a paper doily.

richtea2

These nominations, post-afternoon tea, do more for me:

Malted milk, make teeth go funny and taste horrid
Moon Pies
Garibaldi: Squashed flies.
Fig Roll
Oreos
Morning Coffee
Nice biscuits. No, not Nice.
Wagon Wheels (Technically not a biscuit, ed)
Bourbons

The moon pies look like double decker Wagon Wheels. That may disqualify them from being a biscuit, otherwise, they look promising for a winner. But why hasn’t anyone nominated Arrowroot? My God they are foul.

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19 Responses to Rich Tea

  1. johnny n says:

    malted milk, they make my teeth go funny and taste horrid.

  2. chiffs says:

    Rich tea are up there with Malted Milk for Divine status. I’m going back to the other post – much more interesting.

  3. Patty Gross says:

    Moon Pies. So sweet I get a headache.

  4. AndyP says:

    No no no Foster! These biscuits are magnificent in their own way, it is merely the method of consumption that is key. Put down your bourgeois bottle of Sancerre, brew up a bog standard mug of tea and dunk these delights before shoving happily down your cakehole. Wonderful. Rich Tea Fingers can be doubled or even trebled up to give extra rigidity during dunking. It’s the way forward. 😉

  5. chiffs says:

    Okay then. Here we go. Roll call of the objectionable meets the inedible:
    Garibaldi. Squashed flies.
    Fig Roll. What the hell is that about? How to ruin a fig?
    Oreos. Sorry, my American friends, Oreos.
    Morning Coffee. Why? Doesn’t taste of morning or coffee.
    Nice biscuits. No, not Nice.
    Wagon Wheels.

  6. chiffs says:

    But I love the sound of Moon Pies, Patty. Are they round?

  7. AndyP says:

    Bog standard Oreos are rather dull granted but then the crafty buggers produce limited edition ones with strawberry cream – divine and addictive. The Girl Scouts of America are also evil – they produce a coconut cookie that I can’t stop eating. I could get through packets of them. Ah but yes this is the monstrosity page so I shouldn’t be slathering here, more spitting out. I’m with you on Fig Biscuits, Wagon Wheels and Garibaldi biscuits though Chiffs – utter filth – but I can’t condone the dissing of Nice biscuits! 😉

  8. Patty Gross says:

    They are round chiffs, like the full moon. Most people, especially in the South, love ’em. Here’s a photo of them. *Note, they are typically eaten with a fizzy drink (a British term I just picked up) and peanuts.

  9. OS says:

    Fig biscuits. Ugh! They play havoc under my plate and I hate taking my teeth out to lick the darned seeds off in company.

  10. AndyP says:

    OS – that’s so very Albert Steptoe! 😉

  11. Stephen Foster says:

    What a lie, you would love nothing better than licking the seeds off in public.

  12. chiffs says:

    Moon Pies do look like double-decker Wagon Wheels. That’s double-decker horror. Meanwhile, this post is quite good for finding out who has and who hasn’t got teeth. OS, I’m shocked, I always thought of you as someone with an enormous amount of bite. I hope then, that you’re referring to your cake plate, which as all of us who know Stokies know, should be turned over and examined (before licking).

  13. OS says:

    I’m afraid I have to admit to having a top plate. Most of my top ones [at the front] were knocked out whilst scrapping at The Cameo as a young hooooligan. Drunk of course. I’ve not always been so dapper and reserved as I am now. Why do you think Philip and I get on so well together? We have an unspoken recognition that we are both animalistic. We don’t do ice docking though. 😉

    M le etc…

  14. chiffs says:

    Ice docking – is that a biscuit, like an iced gem?

  15. anjali says:

    fig rolls, defo. oi, so you ask a boring question and then slag off your quorum of comment-leavers? hmpf.

  16. Stephen Foster says:

    Hmpf. Shurely that opens in Higher Case?

  17. Stephen, the garibaldi must take the biscuit for the crummiest creation, those bikkies you feature are bland in the extreme but they have the merit of not being able to destroy my remaining molars unlike their italian rival. I refuse to soldier on with garibaldi!

  18. Stephen Foster says:

    Good point, and possible new post on The Wrongness of Foreign Biscuits.

    Those Biscotti are the biggest con of all time.

  19. George S says:

    I love rich tea biscuits. I am moving in with your aunt.

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