‘The short, stout genius from the Potteries approaches the oche’

We have been transfixed by the darts on Sky Sports One. I have never really watched this sport at any length before, but I chanced on it just as it began: two fat blokes were chaperoned on to a stage at the Alexander Palace in London by a pair of slinky glamour girls in evening wear. And then battle commenced. It was massive, massive final watched by a raucous crowd of thousands of fans including Robin van Persie and Frankie Detori. I last saw van Persie being sent off at Stoke, so am assuming he was there for his homeboy.

The experts in the booth go in for some compelling descriptions; the matter was contested between Phil ‘The Power’ Taylor and Raymond ‘Barney’ van Barneveld, two of the ‘finest ticklers of the tungsten ever to throw arrers.’

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