The Ineluctable Two-Dimensionality of the Blades

Nowt to do with Sheffield United. The art critic and great advocate of modernist painting, Clement Greenberg – who helped the likes of Pollock and de Kooning and Rothko gain prominence in ’50s America – had a great theme, which was that painting had to recoginse that the canvas was flat. In short, there was no point fannying about with tricksiness like perspective and foreshortening: it’s just paint on canvas. SO: it was to ‘the ineluctable flatness of the canvas’ that painting, as a matter of urgent imperative, needed to address itself. Just use that, and just say that. I am being attacked and generally set upon on my great friend George Szirtes’ blog, (on the comments on the Animus and Rewind again posts) for advocating the work of Damien Hirst (not him, his work.) If anybody wants to be in my gang, (form an orderly Q) pls go over and help me out. Meanwhile here is my photograph of a wind farm at dusk at Winterton-on-Sea. I’ll print you a signed copy for a $Million.

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9 Responses to The Ineluctable Two-Dimensionality of the Blades

  1. Billy Clevery. says:

    Oi, winger, I went steaming in there to help you out. I took one look at the post by ‘background artist’ and decided retreat would be the better part of valour. It’s like a madhouse gone mad.

    Who is Damien Hirst? 😉

    BC aka BB aka R.E aka unooo.

  2. Billy Clevery. says:

    NB. TTB would have fun with this. He would probably lick it to death. (Is it possible to lick a skull to death?) No matter, TTB would have fun with it. 😉

  3. George S says:

    I think I have heard of these gangs before. West Side Story. Jets v. Sharks.

    OK, I’ll be Jets.

    Greenberg Schmeenberg. Flat is as flat does. Clem is yesterday’s man and flatness the last of a series of Modernist fetishes. How flat is Warhol? Is there no illusion of space in Rothko? Where does it leave Kiefer?

    Take that! Officer Krupky, arrest that man.

    Nice photo, by the way.

    Oh, and Billy. Tip toe around Background Artist. There’s no other way. He’s a stout fellow really whose comments tend a little towards the lengthy and energetically rambling.

  4. George S says:


    A million? I don’t think you’re asking enough.

  5. F… me! Back to stone age cave art it is. Leonardo wasted his time.

    I’ve just thought what THE SHARK reminds me of. It’s Sarah ‘the gloves are now off and Obama was mixing with 1970’s terrorists’ Palin. Perhaps it’s the combination of sleek looks and potential danger.

  6. Mandz says:

    My deepest dearest darling Fozzie

    Only having a giggle wiv the lingo, and apologise for the somewhat ferocious tenor, but tis the pooh a tree’s a got me now bhouy, the sheer rejoicing spirit of being able to speak after seven yrs slog swimming 15 hours a day in a process instinct lead one too, graft carried this aul bag ‘o bones along, and the mind birthed itself to find, who i really am as a bum with no money whose main educational space prior to picking up the pen, was the buidling site, pub, office and in the head, imagination, always a dreamer, and by way of illustration, this sums it up.

    When doing O’levels at 16, i had four nailed on, English, Maths, Eng Lit and History, and to go to college to do drama and forge a close personal
    and working relationship with mister Spielberg (which i firmly believed was my career path then)
    i needed a minimum of three O levels to qualify for studying the minimum 2 A Levels needed to get to the grove, any grove, as long as i went.

    Failing meant doing three yrs A level study instead of two, and at that age, a yr is a big do, and we only wanna be with our mates anyway.

    First off, i forgot to go to my history exam, finding out in the centre of Ormskirk going for lunch off the building site i had secured a job on, dead clever innit, not even left yet and working. So strike one, only three nailed on, through simple forgetfullness.

    Now, i do not mean to brag (well not much) but English Lit was my best subject and i played Malvolio at 14, star of the show, a real teenage know all and had a gift i didn’t even know about, just took for granted, someone said summat, i responded and laughed, normal, not knowing what i had.

    Now in the mock O level, i get an A, as expected, and in the real exam, guess what i got, a U

    A B C D E F – U, six grades down at the opposite end of the spectrum. Ungradeable, shit, a total dickhead, write off. it eventually got upgraded to an E.

    Why did this happen?

  7. Just back from a concert where they played Malcolm ‘Bridge Over the River Kwai’ Arnold sea shanties. During the performance I kept thinking WHY DOESN’T THE SHARK DO SOMETHING! I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. So, why doesn’t it?

  8. Stephen Foster says:

    I can see I’ve opened a can of worms* here.

    * Bait: geddit?!

    Mandz: i don’t know why it happened.

    gwilym : re Sarah Palin: The Physical Impossibility… has given you a way of dealing with real life; it’s the genuine article alright.

    Billy: I appreciate your dilemma.

    George : Sharks v Jets. You’re so sharp you cut yourself just turning your head :))

  9. Mandz says:

    well who does?

    or more to the point, who cares?

    i have forgiven them now mister F, knowing they know not what they did, that if music be tyhe food of love, play on, tis not so sweet now as it twas before and further, the spaces between desire and hope, the callibration of the teeth which mark the chasm beyond, the cold bare night of sky snaring all, there the spheres are singing, tending to the gravity of what within will bring us humanity and show the whole world is our Mandz, who’s got the bold cares in which stands, s/he’s got the whold flare withered now where the mould bare in it lands.

    just skating wiv a riff, playing with the music of the ears, swet sounds that injure not but dress our Caliban in the raiments of a joke not yet spun fully thus, always it was, the luna glow on which our mandzess makes the whole world with our fans , we’ve got the told shares bailing out, we’ve got the bankers drafting brand new bonds we’ve got the mutts nuts in the flop..

    love and peace

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