You don’t know whether to laugh or cry

The results of the Norwich North by-election, caused by the resignation of popular MP Ian Gibson following his deselection by the goon squad ‘Star Chamber’ (ie, one ‘Expenses’ scapegoat required; Gordon Brown says, ‘Make it that nuisance’) will be in at lunchtime. My prediction is that Norwich North will go Blue and that Chloe Smith, 27, who has been campaigning out of a closed-down letting agents next to a chip shop, will become our youngest member of Parliament. Labour chose to throw in the towel by bringing in London-based New Labour twonk Chris Ostrowski as candidate; the Liberals installed a well-known local lady as third choice behind Martin Bell and somebody else. The Green bloke is overly smug even by Green standards – the Greens have seats on the council but I don’t think he’s got a hope here. We don’t have a vote, we are in Norwich South where I’ll be deselecting Charles Clarke as soon as I have a chance – if ever a man didn’t need to claim the full £400 a month food allowance, he’s your boy. (David Cameron has been up here six times to Brown’s none; in the last few days of campaigning Mr Ostrowski has been struck down by the swine flu.)

STOP PRESS: Chloe gets it by 13K to Labour’s 6K. Low turnout (45%). Labour’s existing majority was about 5K.

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33 Responses to You don’t know whether to laugh or cry

  1. Colin says:

    It is to our Fine City’s eternal shame that Cameron visited six times, and escaped physically unscathed each time (I feel).

  2. RAF says:

    Up the Tories.
    Well done Chloe, hopefully a new Thatcher in the making.

    H

  3. Stephen Foster says:

    Shouldn’t you be down the salon getting yourself a blue rinse in readiness for your nuptuals?

  4. RAF says:

    That’s next week.
    I’m quite happy sat here baiting the lefties/commie apologists if it’s all the same to you?
    H

  5. Daftburger says:

    The last time the Tories got in, 1979, they gave the Forces a 25% pay rise. Happy Birthday, for next week, zobbit!

  6. Daftburger says:

    P.S. “Nuptial” is usually a pretentious substitute for “wedding,” but if you’re going to use it, be sure to spell it properly. For the noun, the plural form “nuptials” is more traditional.

    http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/nuptual.html

    Hate to disappoint winger! :-D

  7. RAF says:

    And to think people buy the fools book.
    Thank god I get the occasional mention in a couple of them, it means he sends them to me for free :)

    H

  8. Stephen Foster says:

    Fool’s book.

    Possessive apost, RAF.

    Re spellings – I have people who look after that sort of thing for me, burger; & further, being unable to spel is one of the commonest complaints amongst we pisseurs du copy.

  9. OS. says:

    And back to the topic at hand. I have the buntings ready for when the old crone, Thatcher, croaks it. If I had my way and I was a faro in egypt, I would sacrifice her son and burn him along with the witch when she goes to see Old Nick. There will so much beer downed in Yorkshire and The Valleys that brewery shares will rocket to a new high. There are scores to be settled. :)

    Stick that one up yer radar, RAFF. ;)

    GGOS.

  10. RAF says:

    You can’t educate swine, and some of the good people from Stoke-on-Trent are notoriously thick as pig ****.
    Years of voting Labour is why Stoke City centre is such a hole.
    Personally I can’t watch enough footage of miners getting a thorough beating from Thatcher’s stormtroopers. Absolute top of the bill viewing.
    It’s just a shame the police weren’t allowed to use guns or even better samurai swords.
    When the great old girl dies I will have a week of watching her crush the miners interspersed with footage of her crushing the unions.
    Long Live queen Margaret of Thatcher

  11. Stephen Foster says:

    I don’t know whether it’s best to delete that or to let it stand as a dismal testimony & warning to others about the perils of sniffing amyl nitrite while bunking skool.

  12. Johnson says:

    I quite like the all new slightly Stepford Tories..all vaguely pleasant looking, inoffensive ikea shopping national trust visiting bike riders who probably say they believe in god.

    The Labour lot are all a bit like the ones you wouldn’t pick for your football team.sickly, lanky, fat and scottish (they blatantly cannot play as a race).

    The green bloke had a too podgy face.

    So rock and a hard place

  13. OS. says:

    “So rock and a hard place”. Just so long as it’s not the BNP, Johnson, then let’s dig it. BTW, I agree with your excellent appraisal of New Tory and Sickly Labour.

    RAFF…just do one, you offensive tart! Your political leenings are as far removed from reality as your nogger support. You, like winger, are too easily led by spurious success. You pare cud easily get a Northern Pakistan. :(

    GGOS.

  14. OS. says:

    Damn and blast this internet lark. *degree*

  15. Daftburger says:

    OS

    I’m surprised you don’t vote for dear Old Arthur’s party rather than whats left of dear old Maggies Tories! (raise eyes smiley thing)

  16. OS. says:

    Hey up, Daftbugger. I’ve become a radical of late. I’m thinking of forming my own party. It would be anti-green, anti-Europe, pro-smoking and most definitely anti-Pewlis. I’d force feed veggies (take note, AndyP ;) )with pulped beef and pork and I’d definitely award that bloke who claimed for his moat a Nite of the Realm for his ingineuity. Then I’d form a special alliance with the Chinese cus they know stuff about dealing with the idiots who think a vote is democracy. I’ll think up a name for it when I have few moments to spare. ;)

    OS.

  17. mum says:

    In a country of 60,000000 surely there are 600 with the right ideals to gorvern – honesty and unsefishless beeing first not greed ! Then again I am probably still living in another world where Baretta was on late night TV lol lol :)

  18. Laura Marcus says:

    Stephen it’s your call, your blog, but I think you’re very generous to allow that twat RAF to post here. I wouldn’t. But then I’m not as nice as you.

    Agree with you entirely about Charles Clarke. He was NUS prez when I were a lad. A broad left commie oh my oh my oh myyo, how far we’ve come eh Charles?

  19. Stephen Foster says:

    RAF is a looney from the Stoke City message board.

    I cut him more slack than I would if I didn’t know what a Special Needs type fool he is, though, that’s for sure…

  20. raf says:

    I can’t believe you let someone call me a twat and get away with it Mr Foster.
    The fact that Laura’s observation is absolutely spot on is neither here nor there.

    H :)

  21. mum says:

    Why not a system without party politics ?
    The country run by the 600 most intelligent people !
    No one has commented on my idea !!!!!
    Lol lol xx :)

  22. diane watson says:

    as long as one of those peeps is you mum !! all will well with the world…everyone will only be allowed fruit salad for brekie and a long walk befor lunch will get rid of all the fatties …..

    ps..when the thach dies i will be the first to p**s on her grave hahahahahahaha

  23. Daftburger says:

    RAF

    Calling you by that name is hardly defamation.

    Diane lets hope Maggie is buried at sea then LOL! :D

    OS

    Better form an alliance with the Chinese whilst you’ve still got the choice! ;) When you’ve thought of a name let me know!

    I’m particularly pro smoking so I could be your joint pro smoking minister (can we have the re-introduction of smoking in public places (especially pubs as I’m sick of the smell of other people body odours especially Bass induced!) on the manifesto??) and Chinese diplomatic attache (although though I’m no case bdum tish!! :P) who are also, luckily for us, pro smoking!

  24. calvininjax says:

    I have the name for your party, OS — wait for it:

    The World Alliance for Tobacco Smoking.

    Of course, the anti-smoking brigade will say, “I am not voting for those Twats.”

    No offence intended.

    Perhaps raf could become party chairman. ;)

  25. RAF says:

    I don’t know whether to be offended, or proud for the nomination.
    Perhaps I could be party twatman as a compromise for Laura?

    H

    I am fairly ‘special’ as has been suggested by the author himself. It’s all those years of working with Radar, it’s a bit like shell shock for gayers.

  26. Laura Marcus says:

    Twat – I go to the Britannia Stadium sometimes.

    I tell you this purely for information.

  27. Stephen Foster says:

    This is starting to get like an old skool Oatcake thread.

    We just need Albert Twatlock now…

    Some one tell mum why her idea would never work.

  28. RAF says:

    Thanks for informing me Laura, maybe I can buy you a Pimms and lemonade and and let you have a bite of one of my prawn sandwiches one of these fine days?

    H

  29. OS says:

    RAFF, I hope Maggie croaks it at about 3pm next saturday. That wud put the mockers on your wedding celebrations. :) :) :)

    GGOS.

  30. mum says:

    Ta Die quite right !!
    As well as the fruit before 12 midday also 3 ( three ) glasses of red wine a day and 3 ( three ) cloves of garlic ;save the NHS enough to pay off the national debt lol lol !!!!! :)

  31. raf says:

    There are too many mean spirited people on here, I’m off back to the Oatcake with all the nice people.

    H

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